Tsui Hark's Vampire Hunters

Caught this on the Sony Movie channel (if you don’t have a satellite dish, you probably don’t get that one … ). It was a slightly inferior experience, as it was dubbed — I prefer original language w/ subs. The actors they get to dub Chinese films are always so crappy, really diminishes the film. However, this being Tsui Hark, the action is so crazy you quickly get caught up in it, and the shortcomings seem less so.

So it’s the 17th century and you’ve got these four dudes, two younger, two older (the latter includes the ubiquitous fatty Lam Suet). They’re recruited by The Master, and old vampire hunter, to, well, hunt vampires. In the folklore of the film, you first become a zombie, then you convert to vampire once you’ve eaten human flesh. So when our quartet gets a job working for a rich man who embalms all his relatives and keeps ‘em around the house, it’s only a matter of time before they wind up becoming hopping zombies (there’s a whole thing with hopping and Chinese vampires — you gotta pin a little strip of paper with a prayer written on it to their foreheads to keep them still).

There’s also a very nasty vampire who keeps showing up and wreaking havoc. He apparently can’t see you if you’re soaking wet; that’s what’s saving the guy in the photo above. This vampire can fly (of course) and also has this poison smoke he can exhale on you. He likes to suck his victims blood from a distance, it pouring out of nose, eyes and mouth.

And of course there’s plenty of mind-bending stunts and wire fu. Tsui Hark is a master of the outrageous when it comes to period fantasy and martial arts. The action sequences are breathlessly paced and hugely entertaining. So I’d recommend Tsui Hark's Vampire Hunters, but would advise seeing it in its original Chinese language version.